It's really over. Too bad I didn't have a say in it. Oh well, I suppose. It's not like I'm going to get all mad about it. Tis life.
Still need a place to stay in Ireland though. I hope it's not too much to ask...
Anyways, cheers! I don't feel like typing anymore.
22.5.07
14.5.07
I Just Can't Believe It!
Gas is so expensive nowadays, and I don't even have a car!
What?
What did think I would say?
What?
What did think I would say?
10.5.07
The Old Ways
So, it looks like the for the next little while I'm going to be mowing grass at the Wolf Creek Golf Resort. It may not be my calling in life, but at least I'm not sitting on my ass until I leave. And, for the first time in my long-running summer jobs, which have consisted of strictly construction jobs, I am no longer working with old, ugly, and dumb men. There is diversity (an old wooden ship used during the civil war era). We have the grumpy old men with some great old stories, we have to young guys who dick around most of the day, we have the hard worker who is constantly in fear of losing his job, we have the middle aged men making awkward chit chat, we have the jolly fat guy making a joke out of everything, and we even have the lone girl who's probably tougher than all of us and raises horses. I have never been more interested in horses in my life. (Note: also there is a cool Australian guy there says "alrighty" a lot)
Anyway, the work is fine, simple yet tiring at times. I get to go off and "do my thing" for most of the day, and the key to the job is that it's quality over quantity (yay, no more speedy work). Finding my way around has been tricky, but I'm learning the routes. I was even almost hit by a golf ball the other day, which probably isn't a good thing.
At home, our basement has been gutted. But now, we have the false floor in and the fireplace and new shower installed (yah, a fireplace). We have an RV in the backyard where my little sister's godmother can stay while she teaches in over the summer. Also her son Phil, fresh out of CLBI in Camrose is staying here as well, in the RV. He got a job for the summer working at Esso. Also, he is a fantastic guitar player who also helped me pick out my own all those year and a half ago.
A continuing flaw in my character is that I am so focused on my past that it affects any of my future decisions (a flaw in most of us). I'm always looking back at the events that led up to now and I wonder what would have happened had I acted differently. I tend to do this a lot, as I am my own worst critic. So, I keep seeing myself and what I did and how I acted and I judge myself. Over the last while I figured that I was a horrible person. I was unfair, selfish, and other self-loathing descriptions. Every time I was this person, I felt complete and utterly worthless. I would get so angry at myself for basically being an asshole. It's just not who I am.
I don't know, I'm just rambling. I can't wait to leave for a while, to settle my soul, to make myself right again. I used to always be happy. I've got to strive for that again.
Anyway, the work is fine, simple yet tiring at times. I get to go off and "do my thing" for most of the day, and the key to the job is that it's quality over quantity (yay, no more speedy work). Finding my way around has been tricky, but I'm learning the routes. I was even almost hit by a golf ball the other day, which probably isn't a good thing.
At home, our basement has been gutted. But now, we have the false floor in and the fireplace and new shower installed (yah, a fireplace). We have an RV in the backyard where my little sister's godmother can stay while she teaches in over the summer. Also her son Phil, fresh out of CLBI in Camrose is staying here as well, in the RV. He got a job for the summer working at Esso. Also, he is a fantastic guitar player who also helped me pick out my own all those year and a half ago.
A continuing flaw in my character is that I am so focused on my past that it affects any of my future decisions (a flaw in most of us). I'm always looking back at the events that led up to now and I wonder what would have happened had I acted differently. I tend to do this a lot, as I am my own worst critic. So, I keep seeing myself and what I did and how I acted and I judge myself. Over the last while I figured that I was a horrible person. I was unfair, selfish, and other self-loathing descriptions. Every time I was this person, I felt complete and utterly worthless. I would get so angry at myself for basically being an asshole. It's just not who I am.
I don't know, I'm just rambling. I can't wait to leave for a while, to settle my soul, to make myself right again. I used to always be happy. I've got to strive for that again.
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