GoodFellas

It is a double-sided coin when someone tells you you look like a mobster.

On one side it's absolutely offensable. I am no mobster just because, lately, I've been dressed like one. This coat was a gift and I just like wearing it. The same goes with the leather gloves.

On the other side, it leaves a smile on my face. There's something about being a mobster that instills fear and respect into all those around you. Having that kind of power is pretty seductive. But, of course, there's an ugly side to everything.

Things with Jess have been going along far better than I could've hoped for. I guess after spending a year apart from someone important to you, you tend to want to spend as much time as you can with that person. I've never spent so much time in her company in such a short time. I'm actually beginning to feel content. I could never admit this before, but I needed her as a friend more than anything else. When I had my infatuation, I was focused on one thing. I was convinced that it would make me happy, but I never looked at the alternatives. You know, it's like wanting one single thing and not anything else.

But, the curse of my character is that I tend to look down the road quite a ways, and I can see some problem arise between the two of us. In the past, I would walk away from any pain I experienced. I found it overwhelming. It was something I had no control over. So, the question I have to ask myself is will history repeat itself? Will I walk away yet again?

Or will we have grown so much that any problem we have we can overcome? I'm aiming for this one. No regrets, right? I've stopped living in the past, so I guess that's a start.

In other news, my first performance at Open Mic last week was a minor success. I plan a follow-up tomorrow night at this week's Open Mic and Augustana Against Aids' Open Mic on Friday. Who would've thought that my immense fear of the stage would dissolve with one performance. Ok, it's not really dissolved since I still ahve that fear, but I find that getting up on that stage will be easier the second time than the first. The more you do it, the easier it gets. So true.

Come June, I plan on visiting the little sis in Switzerland! Exciting, I know. I'm not sure how I'm going to get there, all I know is that I'm going no matter what. Besides, for a while now I've been completely obsessed with Europe. I really do want to teach English overseas, and basically anywhere in Europe is my first choice. There are a lot of things in my future that are uncertain, but this feels like one of the only sure things I've got going.

Anyway, it's getting to be that time where my stomach does the thinking.

Cheers!