Happy New Year Part II

Ok...

So I said I was going to list all of the good things of 2006, but I haven't thought about it at all. I mean, I haven't looked back much lately. So, this will be a sort of last minute attempt.

1. For good and for bad, this last year has changed me considerably. A year ago, I was able to label myself as the calmest person on campus. Now, after experiencing heartbreak, spats of depression, and serious self doubt, I am emotionally exhausted. Ironically, I did most of this to myself. All it took to recover was four months and mindless labour. Last summer I thought of little else other than the pages of the books I read. Of course, like any wound, a scar remains and reminds me of the consequences of my attachments, even obsessions. Now, I look back at the time when it all started. I can laugh at the cheesy words I spoke and I look away grinning at my embarassing demeanor and awkward advances. Oh the drama! Anyway, this year taught me that change is good, getting hung up on the past is unhealthy, and giving up before you try is a real turn-off.

2. Another good and bad one, my realization that school is nearly over, and life is forcing me to begin my own. I am deeply saddened that this is my last year, my senior year- unless I do a crap-job in the last semester of my studies. Like a slap in the face, I'm being told life moves and so must I. Hopefully this new year will provide with a map and possibly a direction.

3. I'm no good with kids. On the surface this is highly negative of me to even consider this a good thing, but allow me to elaborate. You see, for me, kids equals marriage and marriage equals meeting, falling in love with and vice versa with "The One". My problem the last few years is that I already figured who "The One" I was destined for was, which, as you should have guessed by now, did not work out in the least. I was so focused on this...dream that I couldn't see all the other prospects staring me right in the face. I see them now, and I figured I passed up at least three now, the other ones could just as well have been mixed signals. Anyway, the thing about not being good with kids made me realize that I'm not ready for kids, or marriage or "The One". I have officially stopped searching and will take my newly shallowed social life one day- or prospect- at a time.

4. Lastly, I've thrown out the whole "good friends are hard to come by" and "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" quotes. Good friends do not have be "good". That's just wishful thining. I like the idea of the exact opposite. Just be a good friend yourself. Good friends are hard to come by mainly because some of us have yet to be a good friend ourselves. The thing about enemies is that I like to think I don't have any enemies, just some people who find my odd social behaviour annoying or- and I mean this in the nicest sense- chicken-shits who would rather avoid me and go around my back than to confront me themselves. Or maybe I should show some intiative or a more welcoming presence.

In the end, 2006 was in no way a high note in my life, but it was a baby step for me in my maturity and my...well mostly just my maturity.

2007 shows promise according to my year-long horoscope I found in the paper (honest to God, I got a five out of five stars in my life altering...scale).

Anyways, the house is empty and I'm off to a supper.

Cheers!