Ben's Know-How-To Success Steps

How to successfully step into moving traffic:

1. Dress to Kill: You're going to want to dress your best. You don't want to be looking like a hobo because no one will care. A good look would be clean clothes, preferably matching. A three-piece suit would work perfectly, but if you don't have that, then a nice shirt and tie would do. Ladies, no clothes you would wear to you're little S & M get-together. You're going to want to go for a nice dress or blouse, preferably black silk or cotton.

2. Location, Location: Obviously, you're not going to want to try a back alley or a street without and vehicles. The more traffic, the merrier. Great area locations: highways, freeways, the Autobahn, NASCAR track, Costa Rica, downtown slums, and gang territories.

3. Timing is Everything: Get to know the traffic patterns and general speed of the vehicles. You don't want to walk into the side of a bus or get hit by someone's grandmother who's going 20 km/h.

4. Aim for the Stars: Now it's time to step out. Choose a vehicle depending on how you would like to get hit. If you want to be mowed over, semi trucks, mini vans, SUV's, and pick-up's are you're best bet. If you want to roll over the hood and fly like rag doll, convertables, two-door cars, Formula One cars, and sports cars will help you on your way. Watch out for Smart cars, though, as you will do more damage to them than they you. Once you have your vehicle of choice, walk directly in front and centre of vehicle. (If you want to add more style, aim for the left or right of the vehicle so that you might be tossed to the side. You may even be able to pull off a double car combo with this trick.)

5. There's No Business Like Show Business: Last, but not least, have fun with it. Try to hit the ground in your most creative position. Any creative pose will surely lead you to the front page of any newspaper! Good Luck!

...

Cheers!