Ben Presents: Interview With An Achiever

Today is a very special day because I had the opportunity to interview a great success story. His name is Barry Carmen, and through struggle and hardship, he became very successful in life.

Ben: So Barry, how's it going?

Barry Carmen: It's going very swell.

B: That's good to hear. I guess the first question I have for you is just how is life, my man?

BC: Oh well, it's very...very swell and I'm enjoying all aspects of life like driving my Smart Car and other very fulfilling things. I mean, things are just going great, like movie star great. I got myself a pool that I swim in all the time, and I got an elevator because I find stairs useless. So it's swell.

B: Tell us, what do you do in your spare time?

BC: That is an excellent question. I have tons of spare time now that I am a successful person. I enjoy playing Tennis as well as Miniature Tennis. I have become very good at this mainly because I train with the Tennis sherpas of Tibet. I train at Tennis for 16 hours a day. Then I like to go driving in my disposable Smart Car.

B: Disposable?

BC: Yes, they last about a day and then buy another one the next day. Doesn't everybody? Anyway, as I was saying, after driving and street racing of course, I like to write poetry and read to the homeless. Sometimes they don't like my poetry and say mean things to me, but I forgive them because they are homeless, and homeless people are crazy.

B: Hmm...uh?

BC: After all that it is around midday, and that's when I like to visit places and start a book signing.

B: Oh, you have book out already?

BC: Oh no of course not. Why would I bring a book? Reading does not make a person successful. No, I sign other peoples books with success tips on the covers so they look at my advice and not some silly book.I mean, honestly, who needs books? We have a little invention called the T.V.

B: Of course...

BC: During my evenings, for supper I make sure I have something from every food group to keep me physically fit. I have milk straight from the cow because it is more nutritious. Then I have that cow slaughtered for it's meat because cows have so much protien and carbons and stuff. Then I like to have a single loaf of sliced bread because everyone knows that there's nothing more amazing than sliced bread. After I go hunting with a bow and arrow in my garden for fruits hanging in the trees and the vegetables in the ground because that's what they did in medievel times. I don't have the last food group of french fries until I go to bed. Of course, when I go to bed, I have my manservant, Jacques, read me a bedtime story. My favorite one is "Teaching Elementry Children for Dummies".

B: Wow, that's really something.

BC: Thank you.

B: Do you think you can describe to us just what made you such a success?

BC: Of course. I'd be happy to. I have found that the key to my success is my ability to be successful.

B: Oh...could you desribe your "ability" to us?

BC: No. But I will say this: you have to become successful to be a success in life. That's the only way to do it. I became successful and now I am successful.

B: Amazing words from an amazing person. For my last question, do you have any tips for our readers out there?

BC: Yes, of course Jimmy. My advice to all of you people out there who are not me is this: be successful. Just set your mind on success and go be successful. I don't think I can put it any more bluntly. Oh, and don't buy drugs. I know how easy they are to buy over the counter, but drugs are illegal and they will hang you for it.

B: Well, thank you once again Barry for stopping by.

BC: [Starts walking away] Yeah, yeah, yeah, of co-[Trips] Oops! Ugh...uh [Unintelligable mumbling].